Report: Pizza Box Won’t Fit In Garbage Bag

Just after midnight on Thursday night, senior Fort resident J.R. Scott announced that he and his colleagues were unable to fit an empty pizza box into the garbage bag. A fifteen-page document released earlier tonight states that Scott and his roommates had attempted to fit a delivery box from Brenz Pizza Co., once containing a 16” Loaded Pep & Cheese pizza, into a nearby trash bag, yet were unable to complete … Continue reading Report: Pizza Box Won’t Fit In Garbage Bag

Victory! Harambe The Gorilla Revealed To Be An ISIS Informant The Whole Time

In what experts are calling “a huge relief,” new reports have surfaced confirming Harambe—the gorilla shot and killed by zookeepers at Cincinnati Zoo last Saturday after a toddler slipped into his enclosure and fell into his grasp—was an ISIS informant the whole time. Activists nationwide cried foul over the weekend after the 17 year-old gorilla was shot to death, calling it a “disgusting breach of protocol” … Continue reading Victory! Harambe The Gorilla Revealed To Be An ISIS Informant The Whole Time