Haslam Strips Pride Center Resources To Fund Weird Animal-Costume Sex Party In Middle of Woods

In a breaking news report, Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam announced Friday morning that he has stripped resources from the University of Tennessee Pride Center in order to fund a sex party in the middle of the woods, complete with novelty sex toys and all kinds of animal costumes. On Friday afternoon sources confirmed that Governor Haslam had enacted a state law which will defund the Office … Continue reading Haslam Strips Pride Center Resources To Fund Weird Animal-Costume Sex Party In Middle of Woods

Area Man Not As Close With Drug Dealer As He Used To Be

  Area man Derek Rinsling forlornly announced yesterday that he and his drug dealer are no longer as close as they used to be. On Friday, Rinsling, 21, expressed concerns about his relationship with his classmate and “longtime” drug dealer, citing suspicions that they have been “drifting apart” over the last few months. “We used to be tight,” Rinsling told reporters, pausing to fight back … Continue reading Area Man Not As Close With Drug Dealer As He Used To Be

Son Of A Bitch Who Stole My Girlfriend Endorses Bernie Sanders

Following the Vermont Senator’s narrow victory over Hillary Clinton in the Indiana primary, the son of a bitch who stole my girlfriend has officially endorsed Bernie Sanders as his choice for President of the United States. University of Tennessee sophomore Devin O’Bannon, 20, announced Wednesday night that he has decided to throw his full support behind the Presidential hopeful—a commitment second in importance only to … Continue reading Son Of A Bitch Who Stole My Girlfriend Endorses Bernie Sanders