The Daily Beacon Officially UT’s Most Inaccurate Newspaper

With the announcement that The Tangerine will no longer be regularly printing, the staff over at The Daily Beacon are under more pressure than ever. It is common knowledge that when students want to read hilarious spins on hot topics there is only one paper they go to, The Black Sheep, but when students want to read hilarious spins on absolute nonsense they always go … Continue reading The Daily Beacon Officially UT’s Most Inaccurate Newspaper

Uranus Temporarily Renamed “Blue Ball” in Honor of Testicular Cancer Research Month

NASA recently teamed up with the American Cancer Society (ACS) this month to honor men affected by testicular cancer. While testicular cancer month is in April, they decided to give these men some more time in the spotlight. NASA is giving them the honor of having Uranus renamed Blue Ball. President of the ACS , Tiffany Green, said “We think it’s a great idea to … Continue reading Uranus Temporarily Renamed “Blue Ball” in Honor of Testicular Cancer Research Month

Student Remembers Mistakenly Playing Runescape for Week Straight Instead of Taking Finals

Final examinations have once again graced the University of Tennessee with their all enveloping presence. As the campus is rebaptized by the tears of anguished victims, one student, Mimi Danq, recalls her fondest Examtide memory. “Well, the year was 2013. It was a little chilly out, so I decided to cuddle up in my room in Hess to drink hot cocoa and play my favorite … Continue reading Student Remembers Mistakenly Playing Runescape for Week Straight Instead of Taking Finals

2016 Elections to Be Held Through Twitter Polls

In an effort to encourage a greater percentage of the United States population to get off their ass and decide who they want leading the country, many state governments have announced their intentions to use the newly added Twitter feature: polls. Research has clearly shown that Millennials have no interest in voting on anything, except for what they can do on their phones while pretending … Continue reading 2016 Elections to Be Held Through Twitter Polls

Astrology Enthusiasts Beef Up Their Bylaws to Be Considered a Real Religion

In this week’s news, high-ranking Astrologists have finally had enough of the ridicule and condescending laughs from even the least intelligent members of modern society. Tired of being called “totally fake,” “ineffective,” or “entertaining at most,” Astrologists have started to beef up their bylaws regarding behavior, aggression, evangelism, and how the typical astrologist is supposed to carry themselves throughout the day. The High Diviner Orneron … Continue reading Astrology Enthusiasts Beef Up Their Bylaws to Be Considered a Real Religion

College Football Playoff Committee Uses Tennessee to Make Alabama, Oklahoma Look Better

Conference championship games are a mere two days away and, as per usual, the debate as to whom should be in the College Football Playoffs are getting particularly heated. Ohio State fans are outraged that Alabama is ranked, while the entire nation is apoplectic about Ohio State’s ranking. For reference, many fans were tweeting a picture of Alabama’s 2015 schedule including a total of two … Continue reading College Football Playoff Committee Uses Tennessee to Make Alabama, Oklahoma Look Better